Facial palm: There are several good reasons to be excited about Forspoken, the action-RPG from Square Enix and Luminous Productions. Not only does it look like a potentially great game, it’s probably the first PC title to use Microsoft’s DirectStorage. Sadly, its latest trailer doesn’t elicit any sense of excitement; instead, the viewers collapsed so much that their actual skeletons curl (maybe).
The 32-second trailer posted on Forspoken’s official Twitter account shows off some impressive gameplay. The internet went wild over it, but not over the game itself; it’s the dialogue spoken by protagonist Frey Holland that has people rushing to respond.
“So let me clear things up,” Holland says, in a semi-sarcastic/cynical tone that would make Chandler Bing blush. “I’m somewhere that isn’t what I would call Earth, I see scary dragons, and – oh yeah! – I am talking to an armband! Yeah, OK, that’s something I do now. I do magic, I kill bloated beasts, I’ll probably fly next.”
– Advertising –
A new beautiful and cruel land? Twisted monsters? A range of magical abilities? Sensitive jewelry!?
— Forspoken (@Forspoken) August 8, 2022
There’s some good to be had from the trailer, not from Square Enix’s perspective, obviously. This has led to a host of very fun imitations in which the dialogue is applied to other games. The parody of God of War is a highlight:
Who me ? Yeah, I’m a fucking GOD as it turns out. Shyeah I’m all about this ax life. That handsome devil next to me? Fam is literally my BOY. He can thank me for his beauty AND his formative trauma. It’s not easy to fight HECKIN VIKINGS. But honestly? Being a ragnaroxx parent pic.twitter.com/CK1owzyzhM
— Nicholas Kole (@FromHappyRock) August 9, 2022
The same goes for this one Bloodborne.
— wes (@funnywes) August 10, 2022
There are absolutely loads more like it.
well.. where to start? I’m in FREAKING space!! Isn’t that crazy? I have to find a “metroid” whatever that means… Do you know what REALLY makes me cringe about this adventure? those DARN, STINKY, Smelly pirate- oh whoops.. heh.. they’re right behind me, aren’t they? pic.twitter.com/KwPo8kOmnc
— ＥＲＲＯＲ (PLAY OUTSIDE WILD!!) 🐇 COMMISSIONS CLOSED (@PlushError) August 10, 2022
Gamer on PC Remarks that the surprising thing in all of this is the number of top writers attached to Forspoken. Veteran television writer Allison Rymer is one of them, as is Amy Hennig, known for her work on the Uncharted and Legacy of Kain series.
However, some comments are not humorous. A few people say the dialogue is so bad that it put them off playing a game they had previously been looking forward to. Hopefully, or surely, what we hear in the final product won’t be as bad as what’s in the trailer.
Forspoken was delayed for a second time last month, moving the launch from October to January 2023, meaning Microsoft DirectStorage technology is now unlikely to run in Windows 11 this year.